sábado, 10 de outubro de 2009

In my time of dying...

I’m in front of the edge, wondering what led my life to this moment. Always surrounded by problems I have peace presented to me, just seven steps ahead and some more down. If only I could not to be scared. The fear overcoming the will. But in a unexplainable way the will is somehow strengthened by the fear. One step ahead.
My life was linear, constant, stuck. I lost count of the days I went to bed thinking of my day and seeing that I could do things much better. Not better for the others or for my image. Better for myself. But that is past. What I did wrong and what I did not just does not matter now. One step ahead.
Happiness? How can I define something that I did not know? One more step ahead.
What to say about love? I was left on a corner. I always felt like people liked me because of someone else. I wonder if I was alone on the crew if I would still be called a friend. Did you ever have this feeling that sometimes people just do not love you enough? Why sometimes people that know you can not see a fake smile? Sometimes you are in need of a hug, a word, heat! Sometimes you have. Sometimes. One more step ahead.
One thing is for sure. I do not regret myself of anything I did. I did cry dry tears over things that went to roads I did not want them to. I wonder if I could do some things different if my life would be better now. But for all my life I was myself. And, in a way, that is what led me here. One more ahead.
I miss the time in which life was easier. The wind used to bring me new smells and feelings. The old problems do not dare themselves to compare to the nowadays ones. Everything was colorful and bright and if I looked to the future I would see hope. But not anymore. Ahead I go.
I prefer to believe in reincarnation. Another chance to live right. To take the leads of my life! Staring at the abyss I wonder if it would be possible to change the course of the river now. Would I still have the time to make things right? “I am a talker taking action!”. These words were never true. Then what was I doin’? Step.