terça-feira, 24 de janeiro de 2012

One last breath

I sit here trying to think of where to begin, of how to explain in a few simple words all that has happened in my life since we last spoke, and already I fail. I hope this letter finds you well and whole, and that you will forgive the tangents of my pen; this isn't easy for me. Even as I write, I can feel the simplest of concepts slipping away, lost to feelings of despair and confusion, but I have to tell you what is in my heart before I can rest. Be patient, and accept that what I tell you is the truth.

We have been apart for three years now and I still relive that night every once in a while. The blink of an eye was enough to ignite the inevitable. I had thought of several shallow excuses that could work. Even though you were not convinced you would relinquish. No counter-answer. I was taking what I considered to be the right decision. Had I known what would follow, I might have done things differently.

There was a solid reason, though. One I never wanted you to know however, it turns out I am weaker than I have thought. There is something waning my heart besides leaving you behind. I have tried to spare you from witnessing such misery. It is a well known fact that a decaying smile is a contagious disease. Having thought about it I have decided that I’d rather have your hatred than your suffering.

I have planned everything and everything had gone according to the plan. So why do I feel this constant sting punching my heart? I can see clearly now how my mishandling of the situation has doomed me. I just wish I was not alone...

In spite of the guilt that is burned into my very being, that will haunt my every breath, I might have tried to survive, if only to see you again. But my best efforts only delayed the inevitable. I am here and you are not, that’s all I can think of.

Nevertheless all this moaning is pointless. I have made a decision that I was sure, even in that time, would affect my whole life. And here I sit. Gazing at the moon. It has always reminded me of you for no specific reason. A light in the dark, maybe. I don’t know if any of these words make any sense to you...

All I knew was that with you I’d want someone to save me... Does it make any sense to you?

A few pictures, two tickets from a trip we took a while ago. A handful of memories, some still seem clear. You were the best thing I had ever given up... Has it made any sense yet?
I was always a word cherisher. Never came out of my mouth one I didn’t mean to say. I love you ‘til the end... I hope it makes sense...

5 comentários:

  1. Sad, but beautiful written !
    I'm glad to see you still have one of your talents. Keep writing. xD



  2. Many things passed through my mind while reading your thoughts and because of this many feelings struggled within my heart, naturally. Yeah, naturally indeed because I know the importance you give to words and because gladly I could understand them, I was able to see you better as when I look into your eyes, but here, in this case, I had something more concrete to work with.

    Anyway, I don´t want to get lost with my words here rsrs, but believe me, loads of your words made a lot of sense to me and this fact is not only because I have this power to read you, as you usually say, but because with your words you have the power to convey strong feelings and big ideas!

    All in all, it was a delicious text to read!! =P

    Luv U! S2

  3. ... bom, eu tô quieta aqui e não me atrevo a escrever em inglês.
    Eu tô quieta porque estou respirando e te vendo enquanto leio, então eu estou com a mão no queixo prestando atenção.
    Porque é isso que você faz com a minha vida, meus rumos e minhas histórias, com as suas histórias: vc me faz prestar atenção.
    É isso, nothing to fuss about.
    Eu tô quieta aqui e você acabou de falar o que eu li, de novo made sense e a gente é uma extensão tão calma e maravilhosa do que se entende por fraternidade que eu vou até continuar quieta, sabe?